I’ve noticed something.
My kids totally fit the mold of the gender they were born into.
There has been a big trend lately of “gender neutrality” with people trying to blur the distinction between male and female, boy and girl. In an attempt at equality I believe that we are turning people into IT rather than he or she. Personally I find it appalling and sad. The distinct differences between men and women should be cherished and flaunted not discouraged and hidden.
I find it odd that the same people who are claiming “they were born that way” are some of the same proponents for reducing the distinctions between the genders. Gender is the most basic thing that makes you different from the get-go. Right at birth you are identified that way, heck now-a-days gender is often determined not long after conception – because parents want to know.
I think equality should exist despite our differences, not by making us all the same – in all issues where civil rights are concerned.
This did not actually set out to be a lecture on my views about gender neutrality, but the more I thought about how “stereotypical” my kids are, the more angry I got about the recent trend towards removing pronouns in schools and other mainstream attempts at gender neutrality.
Who came up with this crap?
My son is a BOY. I want him to grow up being fearless and tough and strong and a good man who takes care of and protects his family. My daughter is a GIRL. I want her to pretend to be a princess and yearn for prince charming to whisk her away to his castle. Does that mean my son can’t be sensitive? Does it mean he can’t cook and clean and help around the house? Does it mean my daughter can’t play with bugs or play sports or become a professional athlete? Does it mean she won’t be able to take care of herself?
Hell. No.
This whole backwards quest at making everyone fit in is propaganda out of a classic novel. You don’t make people fit in by attempting to turn an apple into a banana. You make people fit in by teaching them proper values from a young age. It’s not the children that have a problem. It’s the adults.
And our society is on a collision course with itself. By making everyone the same you don’t add value to humanity – you remove what makes us special and therefore devalue each and every human life.
Ok.
I’m done on my soap box.
Back to my original inspiration for this post.
See this:
ALL BOY.
Learned behavior?
Um. My husband does not own a sniper rifle nor does he sit on top of our house aiming it at the neighbors. We don’t watch violent TV shows nor do we play violent video games. Yet my son acts like a crazed hunter set out to take over the world with his sniper rifle. Despite the fact that he doesn’t even have darts in it half the time.
See this:
ALL GIRL.
Learned behavior?
I most certainly don’t wear dresses every day. Heck, I don’t even own an actual dress. Yet my daughter insists on wearing a dress every day. She will cry if I won’t let her. She routinely asks for princess dresses and truly desires to look and act like a princess. I like bermuda shorts and flip-flops.
I realize some girls like to wear cammo pants and play with guns. Some boys want to wear a tutu and become a ballet dancer. Fine. Let them be and do what they want to do.
My point is, don’t try and change what nature intended.
Change attitudes.
Because THAT is the learned behavior.
About Kimberly Grabinski
Until about 3 years ago I would have agreed: boys are boys, girls are girls and that’s just the way it is. But 3 years ago my SIL was divorced and my ex BIL absolutely abandon she and her 4 year old son. Up to that time, I’d have said he was a perfectly normal little boy, very much like one of mine. Since then, his mother has done everything in her power to feminize the poor little guy. She let his hair grow, got rid of boy clothes, bought him dresses and girl toy. She convinced the school that he had GID (gender identity disphoria) and needed to attend school as a girl. They allowed it and few people even have a clue he’s actually a boy. He acts very girlish and she has absolutely and successfully (so far), made him over into a female. How long this will go on, I have not clue, but I’m betting hormone therapy is in his future.
I just discovered your blog, and I love it. This post about gender roles is something that has been gnawing at me for a long time, too, and you said it perfectly.
I have to agree with Tyler’s comments a great deal.
I think the purpose of the gender neutrality movement is what you should focus on rather than the unfortunate situations where an ideal can be taken too far. I think that’s like people who think all Muslims are terrorists because that’s who we see the news about.
I think teaching the acceptance of people who don’t fall naturally into an accepted gender role is important…it’s progress. My son is absolutely “all boy”, he just seems to be that way and we do nothing to discourage it. I think it’s silly to be annoyed about “gender neutrality” when there are no ill effects to your children and no one is telling you to raise your child that way. It’s akin to people getting upset and blocking gay marriage, how on earth does someone else’s marriage somehow make your’s less valid? Answer: It doesn’t.
While I am very much in favor of letting boys be boys and girls be girls, I think those on the nature side of nature-vs-nurture frequently under estimate the impact of early interactions with children. For example, do girls tend to develop verbal skills earlier than boys because of how they are wired, or might it be that when people interact with young girls they are more likely to speak with them. Obviously one can’t be sure, but I do think its very common to give a young boy blocks or a car in relative silence compared to the constant commentary that accompanies giving a doll to a young girl.
As someone who actually identifies as gender-neutral/genderless, I feel uniquely qualified to comment on this.
Yes, many boys and girls are “all boy” and “all girl,” as you put it. But many are not, and to assume that their parents are the only source of information on social mores is absurd. When I was 3 or 4, my favorite color was pink and I wanted to be a ballerina when I grew up. Why? I realized by the time I was 6 or 7 that it was because I knew that was what girls were supposed to like, not because I actually liked those things.
My wife, who is transgendered, acted very much like a little boy as a little boy. As she realized she didn’t have to, she stopped.
There are so many variances of gender than just male and female. Yes, they are a minority, but that does not mean they can be set aside. I see a trend of gender neutrality not as enforced conformity to “IT-dom,” but as a standard of acceptance, no matter your actual gender.
And would it truly be so terrible if, instead of celebrating the differences between men and women, we celebrated the differences between individual people?
My parents practiced gender equality as soon we were old enough to hold a pitchfork or to operate a tractor-we called it ‘farming.’ And my sister worked right along side me.
I agree with your commentary. When my son was 10 months old, he picked up a toy matchbox car and has been infatuated with them ever sincde (he’s 10 now). But he also used to take ballet (and liked it!) and one of my daughters play sports but at the same time wear dresses and like anything pink, blingy and frilly. My other daughter grew out of that and now proudly calls herself a “tomboy” They definitely didn’t learn that behaviour – it was with them at a very early age. They all are expected to share in the household chores and respect one another. However I do not think this translates into the everyday business world, but that is changing.
Amen! My grandson won’t even touch qnything that is pink and no one taught him that!
I completely agree! My boys are ALL boy and Cadence is definitely a little princess! There’s more than just gender neutrality wrong with a lot of today’s parents.