Humor, I Said So, Parenting

20 things I never thought I’d say…

03/15/2010 - 12 comments

…that parenting has caused me to say (in no particular order).

1.  Everybody has a butt.

2.  What is wrong with you?

3.  Don’t bite your toenails at the table.

4.  Don’t bite your toenails, EVER.

5.  Because I said so.

6.  Get your underwear off your head.

7.  Underwear is not a toy.

8.  Underwear is not a slingshot.

9.  Don’t wipe that on me.

10.  Keep your butt to yourself.

11.  If you are not bleeding or body parts haven’t fallen off then it is not an emergency.

12.  Chapped lips are not an emergency.

13.  Stop scratching your butt.

14.  Stop picking your nose.

15.  The dog is not a chair.

16.  The dog is not a stool.

17.  Who peed on the couch?

18.  Do not sit on the couch without pants on.

19.  Pee IN the toilet not around it.

20.  You don’t have to take your socks off to go potty.

Sadly….they’re all from the span of a single weekend…and why the heck do so many of them involve butts, underwear or pee?

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12 Comments

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  • Reply Amy 04/03/2010 at 8:25 pm

    What is it with kids and butts??

  • Reply Happi Shopr 03/24/2010 at 11:03 am

    Ha! Thanks for the much needed laugh.

  • Reply Kris 03/24/2010 at 7:13 am

    Throw in a couple “Don’t bite the cat, Don’t pull the cat’s tail, don’t sit on the cat” and anything else involving cats. And you’ve got my days!

  • Reply Heather McD 03/23/2010 at 9:49 am

    I have totally been there. I am known to talk about butts all the time, lol. There is also please don’t try to eat daddy’s shoes…broccoli doesn’t go up your nose…you’re brother doesn’t need to be buried under toys

  • Reply Lorie Shewbridge 03/19/2010 at 10:48 am

    This is SO hysterical! Such memories… I have said almost all of these things also. I love being a mom!

  • Reply Amy 03/16/2010 at 8:50 am

    great list! Mine would also involve stickers and feet.

  • Reply Brie H 03/16/2010 at 6:40 am

    This post is classic!! I haven’t said any of these things because my child is just a year.

  • Reply Stefanie 03/15/2010 at 1:44 pm

    LOL I think I’ve said almost all of those too! You can’t forget the, ‘you can pick your nose and you can pick your friends..but you can’t pick your friends’ noses!’. lol Oh wait…nope, that was SNL! ;)

  • Reply Susan Slaviero 03/15/2010 at 12:18 pm

    I think “keep your butt to yourself” is an excellent rule for both children and adults alike, especially when it comes to things like a.) dinner table conversations; b.)public transportation; and c.) the selection of both formal & casual attire.

    • Reply Kim 03/15/2010 at 12:47 pm

      Yes the selection of clothing is a big one for “keep your butt to yourself” ROFL.

  • Reply Teresha@ Marlie and Me 03/15/2010 at 12:02 pm

    and butts, don’t forget butts…LOL!
    Funny thing is I say half these things to my hubby.

    • Reply Kim 03/15/2010 at 12:45 pm

      Hahaha that made me laugh out loud!