20 things I never thought I’d say…

…that parenting has caused me to say (in no particular order).

1.  Everybody has a butt.

2.  What is wrong with you?

3.  Don’t bite your toenails at the table.

4.  Don’t bite your toenails, EVER.

5.  Because I said so.

6.  Get your underwear off your head.

7.  Underwear is not a toy.

8.  Underwear is not a slingshot.

9.  Don’t wipe that on me.

10.  Keep your butt to yourself.

11.  If you are not bleeding or body parts haven’t fallen off then it is not an emergency.

12.  Chapped lips are not an emergency.

13.  Stop scratching your butt.

14.  Stop picking your nose.

15.  The dog is not a chair.

16.  The dog is not a stool.

17.  Who peed on the couch?

18.  Do not sit on the couch without pants on.

19.  Pee IN the toilet not around it.

20.  You don’t have to take your socks off to go potty.

Sadly….they’re all from the span of a single weekend…and why the heck do so many of them involve butts, underwear or pee?

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Comments

  1. says

    Throw in a couple “Don’t bite the cat, Don’t pull the cat’s tail, don’t sit on the cat” and anything else involving cats. And you’ve got my days!

  2. says

    I have totally been there. I am known to talk about butts all the time, lol. There is also please don’t try to eat daddy’s shoes…broccoli doesn’t go up your nose…you’re brother doesn’t need to be buried under toys

  3. Brie H says

    This post is classic!! I haven’t said any of these things because my child is just a year.

  4. says

    LOL I think I’ve said almost all of those too! You can’t forget the, ‘you can pick your nose and you can pick your friends..but you can’t pick your friends’ noses!’. lol Oh wait…nope, that was SNL! ;)

  5. says

    I think “keep your butt to yourself” is an excellent rule for both children and adults alike, especially when it comes to things like a.) dinner table conversations; b.)public transportation; and c.) the selection of both formal & casual attire.